No good deed goes unpunished department: Was I at fault?

Bill McCloskey · Posted 17 Feb 2011 5:35 pm

So, a question to the professional musicians in the bunch. I'm posting this here rather than some of the jazz trumpet forums I'm on, because those folks might recognize whom I'm talking about and there is less risk here, and I have no intention of embarrassing the person because I respect them as an artist too much.

so there is this musician in town who is great. He focuses on mainstream jazz from the 20's through the 50's and has a weekly gig at a local bar where he passes the hat.

Now I'm a fan of this person, I've bought all his music - from him directly so he got the profit - I go see him when I can and I promote every chance I can.

He is one of these guys who has 3 names. Like Billy Bob Thorton (but obviously not Billy Bob Thorton) but I'll use Billy's name to explain what happened.

I'm facebook friends with this person and I've exchanged many posts back and forth: he commenting on my posts, me commenting on his. I mention his gigs to people all the time. I'm an enthusiastic fan.

Recently a friend of mine who lives in france contacted me to invite me to his wedding which he was going to have in New York in May. He wanted to know if I could recommend any band to play - standards: American songbook from the 40's and 50's and he also wanted someone who could also mix it up with some more contemporary R&B. He could afford $3-4k for a couple of hours work at a nice place in brooklyn.

I write my "facebook friend" and see if he knew anyone or was interested himself. I figured working NY musician...

I was tired. It had been a long day so I wrote him:

Hey Bob,

I have a friend...blah, blah, blah.

The story and did he know anyone or was he himself interested.

He wrote me back (this is exact except I changed the names):

"You can call me Billy, or Billy Bob, or Thorton, but do not call me "Bob." I do not do those kind of gigs and don't know anybody who does."

He then added the obligatory "thanks for asking" but, I don't know, this seemed a kind of lousy response from someone who was just trying to give him some work.

I'm guessing I insulted him by asking if he wanted to do a wedding gig? That is an actual question. I didn't call him by the proper name in a quick Facebook post (I mean, I got the name right, just the placement wrong).

I am really trying to understand how to process that response.

I defriended him immediately, but then...that's me.

Thoughts?

Mitch Drumm · From: Frostbite Falls, hard by Veronica Lake

You apparently didn't know him as well as you thought.

Your "prima donna" detector seems to have broken down.

The facebook phenomenon of "friending" and "defriending" people you know slightly or not at all escapes me, but I assume you did the right thing.

I'd move on. Might be awkward if you attend another of his gigs.

Dave Little · From: Atlanta

So he regularly works for tips, but he's above doing a wedding gig for a few thousand? Ummm ....
I wonder how this fellow sees himself - an "artist" maybe?

Edited to add this link:
http://www.thedrummershort.com/
It's a cool short film about an aging pro drummer and a wedding gig. ... attitude and "the real world"

Mitch Drumm · From: Frostbite Falls, hard by Veronica Lake

You got it, Dave. Although I believe it's "artiste", pronounced "arteest". Sniff, sniff.

They are supposed to suffer for their "art", so I assume his response could have been foreseen if only we had known his opinion of himself.

It seems that selling out remains bad form. Whooda thunk it from an NYC jazz type?

Mike Neer · From: NJ

I know the guy you're talking about and he is no prima donna. You must've caught him on a bad day or rubbed him the wrong way or something. And he really doesn't like being called that middle name.
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Charles Davidson · From: Phenix City Alabama, USA

Is that what's called a bad day Question

For a couple of grand I would play a wedding if Barney Frank and Helen Thomas were the bride and groom. Very Happy

YOU BETCHA,DYK?BC.
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Hard headed, opinionated old geezer. BAMA CHARLIE. GOD BLESS AMERICA. ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC !

Jody Sanders · From: Magnolia,Texas, R.I.P.

Way to go Bama. My sentiments exactly. Jody.

Wally Taylor · From: Hardin, Kentucky, USA

Yeah, what Bama said!

Jon Moen · From: Canada

Kevin Hatton · From: Buffalo, N.Y.

Your mistake was in not addressing him as "Sir" Bob.

CrowBear Schmitt · From: Ariege, - PairO'knees, - France

that "drummer" clip is great !

Andy Volk · From: Boston, MA

I too really enjoyed that short film.

Bill, it's a sad fact that printed communication - and especially quickly written electronic communication - doesn't convey a big part of human communication: tone of voice and inflection. Maybe something else was going on in his day that made him sad, depressed, angry? It may have had nothing at all to do with you. Who knows, maybe last Thursday he pledged to himself that he'd never again play a wedding gig?

Bill McCloskey · Posted 18 Feb 2011 5:43 am

Mike, I knew you would know who it is and I agree he is no prima donna.

Only fair to post my original message to him (with the name changed obviously):

"Bob, I have some friends who are looking for a wedding band to do 40's and 50's songbook with a singer but who can mix in more contemporary R&B stuff as well. I don't know if you do this stuff or know someone you'd recommend, but let me know if you are interested or can recommend someone. Gig is at the River Cafe in Brooklyn at the end of May."

Never called him "bob" before, it was a first time and we've been communicating for a few years.

Anyway, I'll chock it up to a bad day, but certainly has changed my thoughts about the guy. It seems to me that if I really didn't like to be called by my middle name, I'd come up with a slightly more humorous way to tell one of my fans.

Bob Hoffnar · From: Austin, Tx

Maybe he played way to many wedding gigs already and doesn't want to play them anymore. The club date in NYC scene can really drag you down. And maybe he doesn't like being called by his middle name. And maybe he sincerely meant his thank you for the referral. I do not see what the big deal is.

I remember Dave Douglas (Total bad ass jazz trumpet player) years ago refusing big money gigs when he really needed the money because he wanted to keep his head clear. He was working on some new concepts and it ended up worked out fine for him.

Most every full time musician has things like this happen on a regular basis.
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Bob

Bill McCloskey · Posted 18 Feb 2011 7:29 pm

Final end of story: musician wrote me back apologizing for being "curt". He had been going through his own personal issues which I had no way of knowing. We apologized to each other.

It was one of those things. What resolved it was communication and being open. As is always the case but sometimes hard to remember in the moment.

Andy Sandoval · From: Bakersfield, California, USA

Curt? I thought his name was Bob? Razz

Jay Fagerlie · From: Lotus, California, USA

I'm glad it turned out ok.

I'm still stuck on the fact that he got upset by being addressed with his name
Is it me or is that just silly?

Jay

John Rosett · From: Missoula, MT

If you call me for a $3000 gig, you can call me anything you want to!
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Bo Borland · From: South Jersey -

you can call me ray, or you can call me jay .....

Bill Mayville · From: Las Vegas Nevada * R.I.P.

Hi Bill
You must have a lot of respect for the fellow.You really didn't put him down , where most would.
He is very lucky to have fans like you,and I would think he owes you one.
It must be nice, to be a musician first class, and have first class fans like yourself.
He is a lucky man.
Bill
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Bill Mayville
06 Jackson Commemorative ,S 10
Black.For Sale . $18,000 Kidding