Your a real musician when:

Ken Lang · From: Simi Valley, Ca

You realize that the cheers from the audience after a particularly difficult passage are for a sports play on the big screen TV over the bar, and that in fact, no one is listening to you.

When the gig you drove 200 miles for to make $100, and had to pay for a hotel room, is later referred to as your "summer tour".

When your most sincere, heartfelt comments are made by people that are drunk and who won't remember you in the morning.

When you are repeatedly told that the lead singer who can't read, never practices and has been singing for only six months is "The strongest part of the band", primarily because she has big breasts.

When you are pleased that the pay for the gig, when looked at hourly from the time you leave your house to when you return meets minimum wage.

When someone comes up to you to tell you how much they love your playing, because they didn't think anyone played those things anymore.

You get to the gig to find out that nothing is comped, and you're charged $10 to park.

When someone seeks you out to complement you as the "best sax player they have ever heard", and you're the trumpet player.

When you realize that a small piece of equipment- such as a wireless mike you need- will take months of weekly gigs to pay for.

When you have to add $30 or $40 out of your pocket to find a sub, because no one will cover you for what you are paid.

You aren't offended when all of the young wedding guests leave after the second set to dance to the DJ at a club down the street.

When you are told that you must play until the very end of when you were contracted for, when your only audience is the bartender, and you're being paid 40 or 50 bucks for the night.

When the bandleader or club owner wants to pay you in food or drinks, and you have $100,000 in school loans to pay off for that music degree.

When the guy collecting money at the door for the band's performance makes twice over the course of the evening what you do as one of the band members.

When as a member of a blues band you no longer even pretend to smile when asked to play "Free Bird".

When you know that other musicians who routinely claim they don't work for less than $100 a night only work a few times a year.

You notice that all of the musicians playing the better functions to young audiences are mid 40's+ and balding, because young musicians that read don't exist anymore.

When people who are drunk tell you that what you are doing is
absolutely great and the best thing thing they have ever seen or heard, but refuse to pay more than $5 at the door.

When someone calling the cops for noise is a good thing. You get to go home early and you still get paid.

When you realize that asking women out that you meet on gigs doesn't work, for now they know you're a musician.

When you get invited to play the same gig the following year, which means that you don't have to tear down after this year's gig.

When you have, for several years, been paid the same amount for a gig, but are afraid to say anything about it for fear that you might lose the gig.

When you spend more on the bar tab than you get paid for the gig.

When you finally have to resort to playing Proud Mary or Mustang Sally in order to get the audience dancing.
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heavily medicated for your safety

chas smith R.I.P. · From: Encino, CA, USA

Cleat Wooley · From: Louisiana, USA * R.I.P.

Been there ,done that too. have a great day. Maybe it's God way to keep us humble Rolling Eyes

chris ivey · From: california (deceased)

...but the drunks meant it at the time!

one of my last 'career' gigs left me paying for the free dinners i thought my girl and i were getting.. (plus gas!).but no one....i mean 'no one' came in the club other than our band and family, and that of the other band!

and this club had a cool reputation...

marin county....far out...

Chris LeDrew · From: Canada

Robert Fleming · From: Camden, NY

Ahh the memories.Thanks Ken for that great post. I will NEVER forget the night that Dale Earnhart had his fatal crash. Our guitar player had just finished his solo and the crowd erupted in cheers. I remember thinking, wait a minute, he just trainwrecked his solo so why the cheers? Not an Earnhart fan in the place and evidently no one was listening either. I have to wonder how they all must have felt when it was announed that Dale had been killed. Now I always try to get the club owner to shut that TV off.
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Stage One PSG, Old Deluxe Reverb,Peavey Session 500,Nashville Telecaster, Alvarez Yari DY62 Cedar Top acoustic, Alvarez AJ-60-12 acoustic 12 string, Larivee OM-3 Acoustic, Harmony MOTS lap steel, Magnatone MOTS lap steel, Gibson BR-9 lap steel, Andy Hintons coated picks, Ernie Cawby's amp stand, Sharp Covers Nashville Amp and Guitar covers

Jerry Hayes · From: Virginia Beach, Va.

Hey Ken, thanks for that wonderful and very true post!

This past summer, my band was booked on a Monday night to play for a Farmer's Association thing in Chesapeake, Va. It included a banquet meal and $75 per person in the band. We were to play for two hours after the business for dancing. Well we enjoyed the banquet, then sat around for over an hour while they did presentations, elected a couple of officers, ect. When they turned it over to us the people started leaving. There must have been 250 people there for the event but within 20 minutes of us starting playing there were only about 15 or 20! I know we have a pretty good band but that was an ego busting event. The guy who hired us apologized and all and let us pack up and go home. We played the next time at our local venue to a packed house all night long which was great as my shoulders had been slumping a bit after that fiasco at the Farmer's Association........JH in Va.
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Don't matter who's in Austin (or anywhere else) Ralph Mooney is still the king!!!

Clyde Mattocks · From: Kinston, North Carolina, USA

Jerry, been there and done that many times. Most recently at a convention in a swanky hotel. They keep them there for three hours thru a meal, endless speakers, awards, etc. without so much as a bathroom break. They're there for the event, not the music. The dinner started at 7 and the band didn't start till 10:30. Once they let them out of the official business ordeal, they busted the doors down to get out. It's one of those "We like the IDEA of having a band, we just don't like HAVING a band" things. Usually, the jobs that suck the worst pay the best!
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LeGrande II, Nash. 112, Fender Twin Tone Master, Session 400, Harlow Dobro, R.Q.Jones Dobro

Brint Hannay · From: Maryland, USA

A band I was in in the Eighties had a gig for a military officer's retirement party at the Officers' Club. I don't remember now if they let us eat, but we set up before the dinner, then waited through the dinner and the interminable series of speeches, a couple of hours, and after the honoree's speech they announced "Thank you all for coming" and all the people streamed out. They told us to pack it up--it was closing time for the club! We actually begged them to let us play one song for the employees folding up the chairs and tables, just so we could feel like musicians. We did get paid in full, though!

Paul Crawford · From: Orlando, Fl

We were playing the Wild Horse in Nashville. One night they had an NFL reunion party with all of the Hall of Fame players coming out. We were pumped to show our stuff to Too Tall Jones and Broadway Joe. First they asked to start with an acoustic set to "let the crowd settle in." Then they sent us home so they could show a hocky game on the Big Screen.

Charles Davidson · From: Phenix City Alabama, USA

Come on guys we have all had those banquet deals. A REAL musician is one that can convince your wife that the new club [THE PUSSYCAT] you just started working in is a PETA fund raising organization. That the new chick singer she heard you hired is named [BUNNY] because she has buck teeth and huge ears. When you finnaly save enough to buy that old J-45 that's been hanging in the pawn shop the last thirty years, you come thru the door and say hey Honey look at this old piece of guitar I found at good will today. You come home with a new GFI,Hey honey look what I traded that old Mavrick you bought for me twenty years ago. When you get home at daylight instead of 3 AM like normal,Honey that damn Bruce the bass player got drunk tonight and I had to take him home,you know he lives 75 miles away. No honey I don't know who that was that called tonight,must have been a wrong number,You KNOW I don't know anyone named SWEET THANG. Now guys that's a REAL BONIFIED musician. A little white lie beats two black eyes every time. YOU BETCHA,DYK?BC.
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Hard headed, opinionated old geezer. BAMA CHARLIE. GOD BLESS AMERICA. ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC !

Clyde Mattocks · From: Kinston, North Carolina, USA

Wait a minute Charles...statute of limitations ain't up on some of that stuff!
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LeGrande II, Nash. 112, Fender Twin Tone Master, Session 400, Harlow Dobro, R.Q.Jones Dobro

Charles Davidson · From: Phenix City Alabama, USA

Mr. Clyde,That don't really bother me. If SWEET THANG called today,My wife would say come on over honey and take him off my hands and take his kitty THOMAS KATT to,I'm tired of listening to Sweet Home Alabama and changing kitty litter all day long. YOU BETCHA,DYK?BC.
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Hard headed, opinionated old geezer. BAMA CHARLIE. GOD BLESS AMERICA. ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC !

Greg Vincent · From: Folsom, CA USA

I can identify with most of the items in this post. I quit playing music because it became too humiliating.

Kevin Hatton · From: Buffalo, N.Y.

Someone take the T.V.'s out of the bars.

Charles Davidson · From: Phenix City Alabama, USA

Mr. Kevin,Kudos to you sir. Around here in the fall when football starts in some of the clubs we play. We have to wait untill the game is over before we can start. No matter how late. YOU BETCHA,DYK?BC.
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Hard headed, opinionated old geezer. BAMA CHARLIE. GOD BLESS AMERICA. ANIMAL RIGHTS ACTIVIST. SUPPORT LIVE MUSIC !

Tommy Shown · From: Denham Springs, La.

I have lived that many times, Kevin. Another thing is when you go back on stage after the break. And while you and the other guys in the band are getting on stage, you learn the drummer got in a fight with some drunk and the bouncers have tossed both of them out of the club.
Tommy Shown

chas smith R.I.P. · From: Encino, CA, USA