Left my band of 14 years/hurt my buds/I need a hug.........

Bob Carlucci · From: Candor, New York, USA

Real down as I write this .. I just broke the hearts of some close friends.. Yeah it was more a loud rock band, not much steel playing, I was a rock guitarist/vocalist,they were LOUD as hell, and I complained here often, but they loved me and I them... I started in Sept,1992.... It was just time I guess... We recently lost 2 key guys, 2 years after losing 2 other key guys and I guess I am weary of the "rebuild" again, logistics involved etc... Just started losing the burn.... no desire to keep it alive..

Got a call from a local country band,[ about the ONLY one around here!]... they were lusting after my steel, lead, and vocals after hearing that my band was again reforming... can't imagine why really.... I'm not that good.....

anyway, its a "walk in" situation... just bring my gear and start wailing over the top of an established, working, steadily booked band.. Playing LOTS of steel too, as much as I want in whatever I want....no questions asked.... I call the shots in that dept.

Its still real hard tho'... I could hear the pain in the guys voices when I informed them of my sellout.. I feel like a sniveling, weasely, little rat that just jumped off a burning ship...

My old band was really excellent, one of the very best around here, and very highly regarded by our peers.. They envied us...

This new band does not approach them talent wise, but its not bad either.. A decent platform, and I get 90% of the guitar/steel lead work.. Not many opportunities in this area for a soon to be 53 year old to waltz into a ready made, established, booked a year in advance country band that allows full latitude and no egos.. plus they actually LIKE what my playing does for their sound... go figger...

Just looking for a lift up/pat on the back, from some understanding friends... So many of you know what this feels like... been there, done that, sort of thing,,, geez, I feel like I ran over my dog........

so sad right now, I thought I would be relieved and able to look forward to my new band, but I feel like I stabbed my buds in the back and am now twisting the blade.... I truly DETEST letting people down, but man I seem to do it a lot and am quite good at it.... anyway, I am steel guy again and that is certainly a good thing, but it doesn't seem like it just yet,,,, just sharing... bob

Dave Mudgett · From: Central Pennsylvania and Gallatin, Tennessee

Bob - pick yourself back up. You're not letting anybody down, nor are you a sniveling, weasley, little rat for bailing out of a band for something you prefer to do, especially during a rebuild like this. This is the ideal time to bail out - they have to reconfig anyway. They might as well do it whole hog - what do you want to do, go through the rebuild and then bail out?

Anyway - 15 years is a helluva long time for a rock and roll band. Longest I lasted was 11 years in a blues band, who are still chugging along Friday Happy Hours after winning the Musician/Billboard Mag "Best Unsigned Band of the Year" Award in 1999 - I left two years later, that was the kiss of death. I think a lot of bands start to get stale after 5-10 years.

Frankly, if they didn't make room for you to play steel, then it's their bloody fault anyway. I left the rockabilly band I started after 8 years because the lead singer and some of our fans thought steel was too "hillbilly" to play on Johnny Cash, Johnny Horton, George Jones, Hank Williams, Big Sandy, and other country-oriented tunes that fit in a rockabilly context and we played anyway. I could have forced it, but what's the point? If they couldn't see that simple point, it's hopeless - we're not on the same page.

This sounds like fun. Enjoy. You beat yourself up too much anyway.

Bob Carlucci · From: Candor, New York, USA

Dave I do beat myself up.. you're right... I just am not good at this sort of thing... Its hard for me.

I am looking forward to playing more steel, and a more country lead guitar style, instead of blaring blues/rock cliche's all night.. Tomorrow will be better,, I hope so anyway,... I just DREADED making those calls, and the aftermath sucked.

I wish I was the kind of guy that could flit from band to band without a care.
Those guys are pretty common, are usually good players, and always take the better opportunities as they arise.
Loyalty is a virtue. but sometimes gets in the way. I don't know if loyalty is ALWAYS the best approach to a music "career"... bob

Bob Ritter · From: pacfic, wa

can't imagine why really.... I'm not that good.....

Yeah right Bob. I seen your picture in Scottys mel bay book..he doesnt put in that book who are not any good. Cool

_________________
Let's go catch a steelhead

Bob Carlucci · From: Candor, New York, USA

Bob,,, thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it, but I can promise you are mistaking me for somemone else... I am an upstate NY player of mid level ability at best, never met Scotty, and have no idea what the publication you mentioned is. I am not sure if a picture of me at the steel even exists anywhere.. lol... bob

John Steele (deceased) · From: Renfrew, Ontario, Canada

Bob, when Ray Brown quit Oscar Peterson's trio, somebody asked him why. He said "I've played with Oscar's trio for 14 years. That's longer than most cats stay with their wives !"

Everything always works out in the end. I hope it turns out to be a happy move for you. All the best,
-John

Jack Francis · From: Queen Creek, Arizona, USA

I feel your pain, I left the band I was in for ten years a few years ago. Loved the guys a bunch but they wanted to bring in one of the guys daughters so she could sing Shania twain songs and I didn't feel that it mixed well with a band doing old R & R and older country.

I felt that we should be playing for our peers.

About you being a weasil...nuthin wrong with that...the new band that I started is called...
"The Weezul Brothers Band."

I am still good friends with the old guys and they say they really miss the old southern rock and country we used to do...in fact we fill in for each other from time to time...all in all a net gain. Cool

_________________
DESERT ROSE D-10 8/5...Joe Naylor "SteelSeat"...
Gallien-Krueger MB200 amplifier through an Alessis MicroVerb w/15'Peavey cab.
TELES & STRATS...
FENDER TWIN & SEYMOUR DUNCAN 50W tube amps...1-12" 2-12" & 4-12" cabs and a FENDER MUSTANG-3

Dennis Schell · From: Shingletown, Shasta county, Kalifornia

You'll be OK after while bob. I know whatcha mean though, a lot of musician friends DO become "family" especially when you spend years with them living on "the road"....

I had a similar situation one time and what I did was go sit in on a set now and then. It kinda eases the "pain of separation"....

Best to ya,

Dennis

(also 53 Rolling Eyes

)
_________________
"Bucks Owin"

David Doggett · Posted 28 Mar 2007 7:12 pm

Bob, whatsamattayou?! You found a country band in this part of the country? And they are booked a year in advance? And they like your steel playing? And you get to play steel as much as you want? You're in steelers heaven, man! Well, if that's what you want to do for awhile. And why not? You'll be in the natural element of the steel, and playing it on a regular basis like that you will get way better fast. Then if you want to play steel in something besides country later, you'll be in great shape for it. Yeah, it's tough breaking out of an old band and moving on. But it's not a marriage (unh...there are no kids involved, right?). It's just a band, and it's just music. You're a musician. You're expected to change groups every now and then and go through different periods. It's part of the life. Enjoy it. Smile

Jeremy Threlfall · From: now in Western Australia

From the topic, I thought you had damaged a couple of your sho-buds. Phew, no worries then, eh?!

I just quit a too-loud rock band (I was playing Tele and Rat) and a new opportunity came up to play steel in a start-up country band the following week.

The pain you are feeling from letting down your playing buddies would be nothing against the remorse you might feel if you missed this new opportunity. Sounds like a nicer playing environment to me.

Good luck, go get 'em.

Dick Wood · From: Springtown Texas, USA

David Doggett pretty much summed up what I would have said and I will add that when one door closes another opens.

I was only with my last band a little over two years but in those two years, I did more things and had more fun than all the other bands I ever worked with combined.

I had to quit because their goal was to travel and attempt to make it to the big time. I miss them but since starting my new band,I play more steel and have gotten more compliments than I ever have so I'm having fun again.

Your situation will probably wind up like mine so hang in there and enjoy your new band.

Bob Ritter · From: pacfic, wa

Dang, imagine how bummed the Beatles or Creem were when they split up. Shocked

_________________
Let's go catch a steelhead

Mike Winter · From: Portland, OR

What DD said. Good luck Bob. The sun will come up in a while.

Randy Reeves · From: LaCrosse, Wisconsin, USA

Bob. you are beating yourself up because you care.
I would rather be around a bruised caring person than one who is stoic or worse callous.
you are a good person and because of this your feel torn up.
we forget so many times that things change. life spans exist. however, energy never can die. it can only be reshaped into something else (read= new).
making decisions like that are hard.
props to you.

Bo Borland · From: South Jersey -

Bob, Hugs all around! The one constant in music is change. The new band will be a good fit for you musically.
Bo
_________________
Bo Borland
Rittenberry SD10 , Derby D-10, Quilter TT12, Peavey Session 400 w/ JBL, NV112, Fender Blues Jr. , 1974 Dobro 60N squareneck, Rickenbacher NS lapsteel, 1973 Telecaster Thinline, 1979 blonde/black Frankenstrat
Currently picking with
Mason Dixon Band masondixonband.net

Donny Hinson · From: Glen Burnie, Md. U.S.A.

Bob, here's a good quote to remember. (The name of the author escapes me right now.)

Joey Ace · From: Hamilton, Ontario, Canada

John Davis · From: Cambridge, U.K.

Wow! David Doggett sure got right eh?

And I heard you play Bob you ain`t foolin anybody!!
That will be some band !! your a lucky man!! Rolling Eyes

John Jeffries · From: New Brunswick, Canada

Bob, sounds to me like you made this decision after a lot of "soul searching" and certainly not without a lot of consideration regarding how this move will effect your relationship with your friends. I have been in this situation more than once (over the past 40 years or so), and have found that very seldom, if ever, I did regret making the move to join another band.
There is an old saying that "all behaviour is motivated", and I would guess that, all being said and done, you are ready for a change that will give you a chance to enjoy the fun of playing music that you really want to, that will give you the satisfaction which comes with the opportunity to meet the challanges of playing in a new band, and which subsequently will certainly contribute to your "growth & development" as a musician, not to mention what your experience, knowledge and abilities will mean to the new group! It also would seem likely that your friends, although sorry to see you go, should recognise and accept the reasons for your move, and be somewhat supportive and positive - glad for you that you have found this opportunity. In my case, I have most always been able to maintain contact and good relations with former band members, and continue to enjoy (perhaps more) the opportunities to get together, jam and play with them again, whenever the chance should arise.

Jim Eaton · From: Santa Susana, Ca

Every gig comes to an end. Turn the page.
JE:-)>

Todd Kapeghian · From: Vestal, New York, USA

What John Steele said "Bob, when Ray Brown quit Oscar Peterson's trio, somebody asked him why. He said "I've played with Oscar's trio for 14 years. That's longer than most cats stay with their wives!"
Change is how we evolve. This will be good for you AND, your playing more steel!!! Play on!!!
Keep in touch,Todd

Ray Minich · From: Bradford, Pa. Frozen Tundra

No pain, no gain, no risk, no reward....
(Yes, it's a lot like the financial markets Smile

)

Greed is good (Gordon Gecko...)

David Collins · From: Madison, North Carolina, USA

Here's hoping that you decide that you made the right choice, your friends agree and stay friends, and that you enjoy the future.
_________________
David Collins
www.chjoyce.com

Rick Johnson · From: Wheelwright, Ky USA

Bob
Go easy on yourself, you said they were
too loud. You never got to play much
steel. They should be glad for you and
not put you on a guilt trip.

You'll be fine.

Rick

www.rickjohnsoncabs.com

George Redmon · From: Muskegon & Detroit Michigan.

Hey Bob Carlucci, often band members bond in friendship, and in a common goal, making the best music they possibly can. It's almost like family.I know, i have been in a couple of long term groups, we were friends before musicians even. We had our disagreements and shared each others problems. While being a band member i had attended everything from band members funerals, to kids graduations, divorce's, family reunions. And each time through our music, it was a learning experience. You are a fantastic steel guitarist, i have heard you play. You would not have a problem playing anywhere you choose to. Not sure if you are looking for another group, or are going in a different direction. It doesn't matter what type of music you are looking to play. May i suggest, without over stepping my bounds here, that often times the last thing we may think of, is the best remedy. It's prayer....Our Lord and savior Jesus Christ will help guide your decision, and make it easier to get through this transition period. You will do just fine, no matter which direction or musical path you decide to go down. Keep a stiff upper lip,and do your best. You will eventually see the light at the end of the tunnel.You will do just fine with your new band bob, and i know you will soon become close friends, and work out great together. Sometimes bob, a new sound, and new ideas is what a guy needs to stay on top of his game. Best of luck with your new band, just be patient, you will soon see if you have made a wise decision...your bud.....George

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