Egos built on insincere compliments.

Bo Legg · Posted 20 May 2012 10:57 am

This is my Band observation for this week.
I can’t count the number of times at the end of the night I did the polite thing and told a band or a Steel Player I loved their music when I really thought they sounded like crap.
This reality seems to escape band members who start believing the compliments and that does little to moderate their egos.
As this continues over months their performance becomes less about the music and the audience and more about their egos.
It's hard to fit four giant egos on the same stage.
With egos come self centered Sensitiveness and excessive self sensibility leads to inability to accept constructive criticism.
Unfortunately with egos comes a lack of sensitivity to others through constant criticism.
These two things together are a sure fire end to the band.
I think the real cure for all this is to always remember and accept that nothing is really as it seems.

chris ivey · From: california (deceased)

loved your post, bo! you're the greatest!

Ron Whitfield · From: Kaaawa, Hawaii, USA

You don't have to go all the way to a show to witness unwarranted praise for bad playing, just stick around this forum, there's been tons, and this thread ain't gonna curtail any of it. Plus, it's usually compounded by no constructive criticism offered.

Jeff Garden · From: Center Sandwich, New Hampshire, USA

if it all gets to be too much Bo, buy them all size 9 ballcaps for a parting gift, put on the tracks, and take the stage alone with your pedal steel. Constructive criticism can be a tough one if you don't know the band though. Kind of an awkward intro at the bar after the show.."Hey you guys really suck! Let me buy you a beer...."

john widgren · From: Wilton CT

Maybe rather than giving in to the temptation to say something that you know you don't mean and then having issues that people actually believed you... you might consider exercising the rarely used option of just saying nothing? Seriously..more folks ought to try it.
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Dave Hopping · From: Aurora, Colorado

Or....you can find something you like about the band and compliment them on that.If you're dealing with someone who's at least half-aware,they might start thinking about what you didn't compliment them on.

Larry Robbins · From: Fort Edward, New York

Earnest Bovine · From: Los Angeles CA USA

You could try "I liked the way it ended".

Bo Legg · Posted 20 May 2012 6:44 pm

Not all compliments are insincere but they are all difficult to gauge.
For instance when someone says you guys sound good doesn’t really tell you anything.
Good in what way? Really good, barely good or good enough for this gig.
Even if they book you again it doesn’t really give you a clue how you compare to other bands. Ego will be the deciding factor in your unrealistic ranking.
The egos will say we were given more bookings so we must be the best.
Followed very shortly by everything I mentioned in my opening post.

Roual Ranes · From: Atlanta, Texas, USA

I have given credit where credit is due. One singer/guitarist I know can sing all night and never look at a book, his timing is perfect and he is a pretty fair guitar picker. He is always on key but his voice quality is lacking and that is exactly what I told him. Good for his ego .......... I dunno.
When I get a compliment ..........I consider the source and know they have not heard the steel pickers that I have heard.
I am not a steel player...........I play on the steel.

b0b · From: Cloverdale, CA, USA

At the end of the night, I often shake the drummer's hand and say "It was a pressure playing with you tonight. I really endured it." They seem to appreciate my comments. Winking

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Stuart Legg · Posted 21 May 2012 12:00 am

I'm going to use that one.

Bobby Snell · From: Austin, Texas

"I liked what you were trying to do up there!"

Jim Cohen · From: Philadelphia, PA

"Your playing gave me a lot of ideas"
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Ransom Beers · Posted 21 May 2012 4:46 am

Ego's are why I don't play anymore,can't satisfy any of em' so the best thing I can do is quit!

Best way to kill an ego is not to feed it.(SS)

Jay Fagerlie · From: Lotus, California, USA

I just tell them "Nice Shoes"

Very Happy

john buffington · From: Owasso OK - USA

"Thank you, for a very unique experience!"

Barry Blackwood · Posted 21 May 2012 6:15 am

"Hey, you guys aren't as bad as everyone says….!"

Mike Neer · From: NJ

I think "Nice job" is about as far as I'll go in offering a compliment unless it was really bad in which case I say nothing--that is, unless the band/musician was outstanding, in which case I have no problem telling them so.

Years ago at the end of gig, the crowd of about 400 was cheering and yelling for more. When we couldn't play another tune because of house rules, it quickly turned to, "You guys are worthless" and "You suck" and resulted in a few scuffles.

Booze makes some people crazy.
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Frederick Hogaboom · From: Connecticut, USA

"Do you have a day job!"

Herb Steiner · From: Briarcliff TX 78669, pop. 2,064

I worked a gig the other night at which a sit-in guitarist played... and I try to be generous with fellow musicians, but hey... not a single coherent musical thought or one lick that even resembled anything melodic all night. It was, literally, pure gibberish, and without much technique, either. AND he didn't listen at all to what all else was going on behind him, just constant, non-stop noodling.

At the end of the night he extended his hand to me, smiling and without a clue, and said "hey man, it was a pressure playing against you tonight." I replied "likewise. And you won."
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Riley Hart · From: South Carolina, USA

'You guys sounded every bit as good as i expected!'

Jim Cohen · From: Philadelphia, PA

"You sounded just as good as I was led to believe."
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Rick Campbell · From: Sneedville, TN, USA

What's the big deal? Be a nice guy and compliment everyone. It's just the nice thing to do. People know how they stack up against other players, but a few kind words won't hurt anything. It seems to me there's some demonstration of ego in some of these post. I've never heard a real pro player cut another player down.

Smile

Bo Legg · Posted 21 May 2012 9:07 am

I think I need to qualify what I mean by "my band observation for the week"
It has to do with the gospel group in which I play and has been nothing but a nightmare of scheduling and recording.
This has also been the problem problem with bands I've played with in the past.
I haven't been playing with the present nightclub band long enough to really know them or make a judgement regarding egos.

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