Embarassment, Ridicule, and Rejection

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Who would think that any of these three situations would help a musician to grow while in the developmental stages of learning to play the pedal steel guitar. Embarrassment can produce a more determined player, just as General MacArthur became a better general after he returned to reclaim the Pacific Islands. The title abbreviation ERR suggests those not so rare moments can occur while playing steel in tense situations. The acceptance of the unpredictable criticism is as valuable as compliments in any situation. It would be interesting to hear from forum members who may have thoughts to the contrary or in agreement. Thanks..

Ron Sodos · From: San Antonio, Texas USA

I have 2 stories to tell.
1- Before i was playing steel I played guitar in a funk band. I was about to play my solo that was started on a double kick of the bass drum. Well the old bass drum pedal broke and instead of going boom boom it went blech and I screwed up my solo so bad that the packed crowd all laughed at me. It wasn't my fault but I took the blame.

2- The second story was after I had been playing steel for about a year and i got a gig to go to Alaska and play at the Matador lounge with Ron Lowry (Butch). Well Ron hadn't heard me play because i got hired by his brother Larry. After a couple of nights i was in the bathroom in one of the stalls. The 2 brothers came in talking about the crummy steel player he hired. Butch said " This guy don't play nothin". Well of course I was hurt and depressed but what it did is it made me practice more and more. Well this was 1979 and now it it 2007 and I ain't quit yet.

Sometimes embarressment is the best thing a player can experience. It only works to build confidence.

Donny Hinson · From: Glen Burnie, Md. U.S.A.

Jim Cohen · From: Philadelphia, PA

Donny Hinson · From: Glen Burnie, Md. U.S.A.

Agreed, Jim.

Recently, one poster admitted...

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

If we were to take the third syllable from the word embarassment, and use it to turn a liability into an asset, such as restructuring musical appreciation, the badger of humiliation would vanish. Maturity is recognized by one's ability to remain "cool", throughout the most trying times. It's a great feeling to let criticism seek you out, knowing that you can continue on a positive train of thought. The professional musician who maintains mental and emotional balance, will be free from embarassment, or habitually resorting to affectation.

Billy McCombs · From: Bakersfield California, USA

Bill, I played with a guitar picker with a ego the size of Texas. He really put a lot of pressure on me for several years.But,I can honestly say that he made a better steel player out of me, always pushing. At the time I just thought that he was just a p$%#k, But since he has moved on I know that the guy help me to improve as a musican and a steel player. I never let him know that I didnt care much for his mouth, but some times, I wish I could have told him thanks. Funny how that worked out Laughing

_________________
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chas smith R.I.P. · From: Encino, CA, USA

One of the things I'm really good at, in the shop situation is, fixing f*ckups, because I've made so many of them, I've had a lot of practice.

The embarassing music experiences have been great teachers, as they really got my attention.

I recently heard that the "word on the street" was that I could build a guitar, but that I couldn't play it. That one hit home.

Dave Mudgett · From: Central Pennsylvania and Gallatin, Tennessee

I totally agree that there is more to learn from failure than success. I think most people have some of both, and I think both are necessary. Failure - to know you need to keep working; success - to know that it's worth it to keep working.

With all that said - in some situations, non-constructive, harsh, or mean-spiritied criticism can discourage learning more than help it, even if it's accurate. Would that we were all perfectly resilient and able to just keep forging on under any and all circumstances, but it isn't always true, even if that is ideal.

Another point - not all negative feedback is accurate. Sometimes the critic is just plain ignorant. Worse yet, some tear-down critics know exactly what they're doing and are trying to mess with your head.

At a certain point, it is necessary to "know and be honest with thyself." To me, this means to go out and look at yourself with an unfiltered lens, and accept the unvarnished truth when it smacks you in the face, good or bad. When you look for the truth and find it, that is pretty hard to run away from, IMO.

Les Anderson · From: The Great White North

As long as the critism is contstructive and not a cheap put down, I am more than willing to listen and learn.

The wrong type of critism can frighten off an emotional or overly sensitive person/beginning musician. The person who is giving the critism, objective or not, should read the player before his mouth fires up.

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Some time ago, a pesky interloper blatantly converged on one of the greatest steel guitar heroes of all time, and commenced to annoy him at a P.S.G.A. Show in nearby Ct. The greatness of the worldly-wise player erupted when he cooly demanded in a single outburst; "Run along sonny." The certainty of the incident was well established, through a source that was "hot off the press", so to speak. Heroes taking such drastic steps, while other alternatives are nonexistent in a professional setting, is an example of explosive indignation. Curious onlookers or beginners more often than not, tend to step over a fine line that serves as proper behavioral patterns. I was not in attendance at the show when the forced rejection to ward off further queries occurred. No doubt the P.S.G.A. Inc. would have taken steps to enliven the morale of the late world famous hero, had they witnessed the entire "scenario". The entire incident was distasteful and no doubt created an unhealthy climate for one of our most respected heroes of the pedal steel guitar.

Eddie D.Bollinger · From: Calhoun City, Mississippi

Donny, I heard something similar to "The Volume Pedal" criticism in a little local studio when I was
still quite green. Over the years, that suggestion
has been key to present day approach to fills AND
turnarounds.
The guy said "Don't hide your work under that
volume pedal, be sure enough to hold it wide open and use touch to lay tasteful licks in."

Mike Perlowin · From: Los Angeles CA

No embarrassment but one of the best teachers I had back when, was Pete Grant. Pete was extremely critical. He told me everything I was doing wrong and what I needed to change. I didn't enjoy hearing what he had to say, but I listened and learned, and am a better player today because of his criticisms and advise.

I've said this before, but it's worth repeating: Thanks Pete.
_________________
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Roual Ranes · From: Atlanta, Texas, USA

I have been known to say:

1.Yep , and you dont sound like Marty either!

2. I am sure that Buddy would come down and do this job.........why dont you give him a call?

3. You cannot insult my intelligence or my pickin ability because I dont have either one!

Tamara James · Posted 2 Oct 2007 5:14 am

There is such a fine line between constructive and demeaning. While it is all difficult to hear, it is a must. I would think the acceptance is in direct proportion to how large the person's ego is. While I don't like it, I listen to feedback because I know I have everything to learn. Simple statements directly realted to the fact are best. "You have some overtones comeing through" was a great help to me because I didn't hear the overtones. I went home and worked on it, and I got a new amp on order.

Charley Wilder · From: Dover, New Hampshire, USA

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Dave M.,

No doubt you've had the unpleasant experience of observing oversensitive students, who require reprimand to fit the problem. It's disturbing to witness radical changes in an individual who is the recipient of constructive criticism. Of course, a similar situation may grow out of prolonged directive, stemming from an overzealous pattern of faultfinding. Certainly, any teacher worth his/her "salt" should have little difficulty in recognizing a quick shifting of personalities, early on, once the reprimand commences. With good luck the student who distances himself/herself from lectures that would culminate into furthering knowledge, will realize the benefits of moving closer to advanced instruction.

Dave Mudgett · From: Central Pennsylvania and Gallatin, Tennessee

Bill - when teaching, it's not always easy to immediately see the effect one has on students when taking any action, including giving feedback. In a formal teaching situation like at a university or other formal school, there is a power relationship with the instructor having the upper hand. In this case, students are often appropriately reluctant to express honest but negative opinions for fear of retaliation. Similarly in a boss-subordinate relationship. So, one may intend negative feedback as very constructive and have it apparently received that way, but in reality it instead crushes them, all out of view. IMO, the ability to give and take honest feedback requires a sense of mutual trust - by the receiver that it's honest, accurate, and intended constructively, and by the giver that it will be taken as intended.

So without any catcalls of political correctness - if you are actually interested in giving constructive feedback to help someone - I think it's important to gain trust, consider how that feedback will be taken, test the waters, and then act in a measured way.

On the other hand, if you're just a casual interloper and want to be the caustic critic, there's no law against it. But don't argue that you're "just trying to help." If you really want to help, first find out what it takes to help - it's not the same for every person, IMO.

Another view - I absolutely agree that it's important to be able to receive both positive and negative feedback to learn most effectively. But some people - for a myriad of reasons - are very sensitive to blunt criticism. They may be brilliant and talented, but somehow don't see it that way. Sometimes truly talented but insecure people can be mistaken for "cocksure", and invite brutally honest criticism. I say tread lightly until you know the lay of the land. Yes, a teacher has to give honest feedback. But if the goal is for students to learn, that needs to be done well.

All my opinions, of course.

chris ivey · From: california (deceased)

mike p....that's funny about peter....i bought my first steel from pete back in about 1970...pretty much everything i know today stems from a little chart i made and put on the neck which i'm sure was info he gave me...to this day , i cringe if he's in the audience..me sitting there wishing i were a better player, instead of working on it!

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Dave M.,

Thanks for elaborating on the workup relating to tolerances within a special group. Swinging back to line up with the thread to maintain a direct connection with steel players, requires uprooting the many good points that your writing skills have established. I think that focusing on the "drawbridges" at social meetings would draw out the individuals who cleverly draw back from "ERR". The first clue that a promising student is situated within a group, may be recognizable through a probing and fixed stare, that differs to a greater degree from lesser engaged individuals. It's called music appreciation. How often have you played to the walls? If you haven't surveyed that demeaning experience,
I'm one-up on you.

Charley Wilder · From: Dover, New Hampshire, USA

I can remember one instance that was a bit embarrassing.I had just hired on with a band one gig previous. We used to kick off the first set with "Swinging Doors" in the key of A. I must have been a bit distracted by the skirt at the front table or the bottle of beer sitting on my amp because I played the solo in E! The audience didn't have a clue,of course but the lead singer sure did! I got a lecture at the break about the difference between Country and Jazz and the offer to seek a Jazz gig if that was my preference. He had just hired me after firing a pedal player because, as he stated, "I never knew what song the SOB was playin' and I don't think he did either"! He used to call it the "gadget steel". I was a bit more careful from then on. Embarassed

Ray Minich · From: Bradford, Pa. Frozen Tundra

Embarassment, Ridicule and Rejection?

Compared to my experience with "wedded bliss"...

That must be why the steel guitar is such a warm cozy fuzzy relaxing place.

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Charles W.,

I removed the distasteful rantings as they serve no purpose in communicative writings. At this point in my life, the pleasures found in accord, serve to enhance my life as a musician. Articles of interest, passed on to others, is more of what is to be expected as a source of entertainment. Thanks..

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Dave M.,

New York State contains an enormous count of musicians, both steel players, and lead guitarists. As a learned man, have you been made aware of these figures through communicative sources? There is a great need for a gathering of entertainers to expand by offering an expanded series of steel guitar shows, at affordable prices at the door. There has been a steady growth of newly formed steel guitar organizations from state to state. For example, I missed the fledgling RISGA Show in Rhode Island, and by doing so, has made me more aware of where a show is located for presentation. I studied the best accesses to get there from Western MA, and immediately ascertained that extensive bridges, waterways, tolls, and mileage on the vehicular odometer, would require more than a trivial amount of expenses. The P.S.G.A. Inc., presents a yearly show in Southern Connecticut, which may require careful planning during the year, making participation less painful on the purse strings. It would be a great show to attend, if expenditures are carefully monitored. Essentially, it is a scaled down St. Louis programming of the best entertainers in the business. Taking into account, admission fees, food, drinks, gifts, recorded materials, seminars, lodgings, controlled environment, and the whole nine yards of costs, puts a little crimp in the zeal of this wanna-be attendee. There is room for improvement in the process of trying to stuff too much entertainment in one afternoon of limited time per player. Perhaps the most gifted players who perform at the shows, could make suggestions that would help to restore a tradition that the almighty dollar has all, but effaced.

Bill Hankey · From: Pittsfield, MA, USA

Typos and disregard are two of the most deleterious embarassments in human exchanges. Nothing, not even modern communicative commodities, can rectify either situation. Rejection may spawn from either unplanned interruption of pure logic. A deep-seated resentment for illogical rebuttals are more than likely programmed into human behaviorisms.

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